Sunday, April 08, 2007
Duality, Dunces, & Playing it Safe
Current mood: uncomfortable
Note: Still 22 Stone
Duality…
I get hung up on this all the time. I am both my parents by nature and nurture(additional notation on this in previous blogs). I recognize my internal division in so many ways….currently it is in a pretty frivolous and poppy cultural way, but I am sure with proper dissection by someone other then me (since I am not all that interested…at least half of me is totally not interested) an amazing connection to archetypes in some smarty pants way will be SO obvious. I have been watching the same flick over and over again…if you know me that is nothing new, if I get stuck on something I can watch it until I wear the tape out…current flick Casino Royale. I have always enjoyed a good Bond movie, but I am reaching that point where the repetition should really be scratching my OCD creepy introvert itch and instead my warped little grey cells are questioning why I am so on the fence about what attracts me to this type of scenario and why it somehow works so well for me. I am attracted to the idea of being Bond and to Bond and I am attracted to the idea of being the Bond Girl and to the Bond Girl.
When I was a kid I could never make up my mind who I wanted to be; did I want to be Spiderman or Wonder Woman.
I guess I am still there.
Dunces…
Yup people can be pretty stupid and diluted, myself included without exception.
Dunce(noun): One backward in book learning; a person dull or weak in intellect; a dullard; a dolt.
In french: cancre
Playing it Safe…
I just want someone to eat fresh ocotpus in a korean fish market with me, tear up Vegas, camp frequently in Capitol Reef, and travel to Belgium because beer fucking just happenes there! (the list may or may not continue, some references can be found in the rainmoonsun blogs of late)
Safety in numbers? Safety all alone. I got scared and tired of what's out there before I ever really gave it a chance (I don't really have anyone/anything to blame except myself, but I do it anyway) hope is such a dirty word.
Currently watching: Casino Royale
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Thursday, April 19, 2007
Quality Waste of Time
Current mood: lethargic
Content Adbucted from LolaGirl
[ NOW ]
Current mood: existential and sleepy
Current music: Swedish Lounge Radio
Current taste: Orbit Lemon-Lime Chewing Gum
Current hair: Lazy with a high chance of pie-rats
Current clothes: Mauve thing with a zipper, light blue shirt, black slacks, and new balance sneakers(not stylish ones, but comfortable)
Current annoyance: being reminded of an impending visit ot the dentist
Current smell: books, lots of books :)
Current thing: overpriced uber cell phone lust
Current windows open: none. I am in the hermedically sealed library locked case
Current desktop picture: hell money
Current favorite band: Gomez
Current book: "The Basic Eight" for pleasure, and "Interactive Oral History Interviewing" for business.
Current cd in stereo: Humm...I usually just listen to stuff on the internet or computer and computer accessories, but the last CD I put in my CD player was Soul Coughing, El Oso
Current crush: Ol' Fuck Balls and for no good reason Jake
Current favorite celeb: Eddie Izzard!
[ DO YOU.. ]
Smoke?: Not so much.
Do drugs?: Yes/No
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: Giant Mushrooms and Anxiety Dreams
Remember your first love?: yes. why do I love sociopaths?
Still love him/her?: no
Read the newspaper?: NY Times and Online News, but only sometimes.
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Yup.
Believe in miracles?: Yes/No
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: In that I am like a lobster.
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: It takes different strokes to move the world.
Consider love a mistake?: No/Yes, kind of. I am good at being in love with ideas and not poeple, that sucks.
Like the taste of alcohol?: Some yes, some not anymore :(
Have a favorite candy?: Swedish Fish or Dark DARK Choclate
Believe in astrology?: Yes, see previous blogs.
Believe in magic?: I am really hung up on magicians, does that count?
Believe in god?: I believe in the sky.
Have any pets: Yes. My furry Man cat Man :)
Go to or plan to go to college: I have two very expensive peices of paper that say I already did that, twice.
Have any piercings?: nope
Have any tattoos?: not at the moment
Hate yourself: when I have time to think about it, yes
Have an obsession?: Lots I am pretty obessive/compulsive
Have a secret crush?: No but I could use one to obess over.
Have a best friend?: yes
Wish on stars?: I have, but it has been a while since I have been out to the desert to see any.
[ LOVE LIFE ]
Ever been in love?: yes
When did you lose your virginity?: I only misplaced it, but I know right where it is, getting all cob-webby and dusty on my shelf.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: No/Yes
Do you believe in "the one?": I thought that wasn't a very good movie.
Describe your ideal significant other: quirky, unique, a boderline mutant, perhaps an exeuctive transvestite, someone who will eat fresh octopus at a korean fish market with me.
[ETC]
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: yes. I wore a lot of layers.
Have you ever been intoxicated?: yes
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": I am always doing something. What the fuck does that mean, I don't like beating around the bush, get right to it and ask a real question!
Are you a tease?: I don't think so, but some of the sociopaths in my past might disagree
Shy to make the first move?: OH YEAH!
[ APPEARANCE ]
Hair: frizzy, aburn, long, alomst always in a bun
Eyes: green
Height: 5'6"
[ LAST THING.. ]
Bought: a ceasar salad for lunch today
Ate & Drank: a choclate milk and a toasted bagel with salmon cream cheese
Read: work e-mail and my space comments
Watched on TV: fell asleep to Casino Royal DVD
[ EITHER OR.. ]
beer or cider: Beer
drinks or shots: depends on the goal of the evening
cats or dogs: cat furry MAN cat :) if I could have a dog it would be a big shnuggly husky doggie uff uff.
single or taken: single like a dirty dolla
pen or pencil: spiderman pencils and irritaring yellow highlighter marker.
gloves or mittens: gloves, mittens feel funny
food or candy: isn't candy a type of food?
cassette or cd: I love my cassettes, but I am pretty attached to my music hard drive. I also really LOVE records.
coke or pepsi: if I have to choose coke, but I am not a big soda person
[ WHO DO YOU WANT TO.. ]
kill: I am pretty much down for peace, but i get in moods where my favorite phrase is "i'll kill you!"or feeling like I want to kill it and fuck it and fuck it and kill it.
get really wasted with: Melissa, we make fun art :)
look like: Greta Garbo not Lizzy Borden (google her, it's a little creepy)
avoid: fuds, puds, and all persons with bad intentions
[ LAST PERSON YOU.. ]
saw: guy who works at the desk in front of my office, but whose name I still can't remember
talked to on the phone: D
hugged: my monday night friends
instant messaged: Melissa
kissed: my Dad
[ HAVE YOU EVER.. ]
Drank alcohol?: Yes, I think we already covered that.
Done drugs?: I am sticking with yes/no
Broken the law?: not recently I am a big spaz and authority makes me REALLY uneasy
Run away from home?: nope
Broken a bone?: nope
Played Truth Or Dare?: yes, but it was that lame girl talk game and I have other times all with limited and pretty much no fun results
Kissed someone you didn't know?: nope, but I have seen a lot of semi-anonmous penis...long story (at least in most cases..dun dun ching...untimante rim shot.)
Been in a fight?: Not physically, but I used to do a lot of screaming and yelling. I rarely won.
Come close to dying?: I choked on an ice cube when I was a baby, I dunno if that really counts, and one time I was in a car that alost rolled onto the freeway into on coming traffic, that is probibly the only official I almost died moment.
[ WHAT IS.. ]
Your bedroom like?: a huge fucking mess with a lot of neat things to look at.
Your favorite thing for breakfast?: breakfast sandie and a mocha latte
Your favorite restaurant?: It's hard to pick depends on my mood, I love sushi and sandwich.
What's on your bedside table?: a lamp from my aunts house, my huge alarm clock that I have had forever, various remote controls, recent bills, a sponge bob squarepants magic eight ball toy, and an inhaler
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: yogurt or leftovers depending. I drink a lot of water.
What is your biggest fear?: vanishing
Describe your bed: the most frequently used place in my house
Spontaneous or plain?: half and half I am split down the middle
Do you know how to play poker?: enough to play when drunk or with elementary kids.
What do you carry with you at all times? most of the time wallet house keys cell phone digital music thingie chap stick and a pen, work days a big bag'o'crap books, paper, etc
How do you drive? alright I use my turn signal which is more then I can say for most people
What do you miss most about being little? a lot of things
Are you happy with your given name? yes
What color is your bedroom? white walls, natural wood trim, and crazy crap all over the place.
Have you ever been in a play? only on the crew. In the back in all black baby!
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? No, anynone can be annoying.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? Yeah, even if sometimes I don't want to be.
Currently reading: The Basic Eight: A Novel By Daniel Handler
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
The trouble with natural red…..
Current mood: frustrated
I'm crazy it's like a visual pheromone or something. I just see it and boom starts the hang up, god I am such a mess, why can't my sponge bob eight ball straighten my life out once and for all?!
Currently listening: The Best of Bollywood
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Thursday, April 26, 2007
Doing Nothing and Nothing Doin’
Current mood: lethargic
There was a fox walking around on campus the other day. I seemed to be the only person fazed by this. It was a fox walking west by the stadium in the middle of the afternoon. I am I the only one who is totally suburbananized and therefore a little freaked out when I see something that I have only previously seen in books or at the zoo walking down the street.
I feel pretty out of sorts today like I just want to curl up and take a nap under my desk, time is running backwards and I am so tired. My head is already telling me that it is Friday. I am having a hard time deviating from my plan which was run asunder because I was supposed to meet with someone this afternoon and they called in sick. I am feeling totally incapable of coming up with a back up plan. It's weird anti-social spring fever.
I had other deep thoughts earlier, but I can't seem to remember things between mouse clicks anymore. I am aching to feel productive, but only through the power of magic, not anything useful or tangible. I suppose that is part of this epic that I am trying to do something to feel like I am doing something. Idle hands and all…
Sigh…
Currently listening: Rogue's Gallery: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs, and Chanteys
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