Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sad Times
Current mood: sad
R.I.P.
Richard Jeni
Sad Times.
Currently watching:
The Aristocrats
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Sunday, April 01, 2007
Resentments at 22 Stone
Current mood:Who the Fuck Cares!
Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, You're Cool, Fuck You I'm Out!
The dramatic answer....Happiness is a warm gun.
My answer....a #2 with a lemonaid.
I hate everyone, you can all eat my worthless shit. I'm so tired of how I set myself up for exactly this. I am like the ultimate house pet. Obident, housebroken, and enjoyed by children and the elderly. I am out of my fucking mind to think I am any better than this. It happens on ocasion anyway and there I am setting myself up for an empty walk home and a lot of time to not want to think, but do it anyway. Do I smack myslef, cut myself, if I trip or stub my toe on the curb I'll have proof that the sensation in my body isn't all in my head.
The name makes pins run up and down my spine, but if it showed up on my doorstep I'd still let it in. I hate myself that much and in some way or another I must enjoy the feeling that I blame on it, but is truly all my feeling, I made it, I choose to have it, and to never let it go.
I'm not worth it, the wreckage contains no sunken treasure, besides all it has to offer is abused and overgrown.
FUCK EVERYTHING!
Currently listening:
I Like It When You Die
By A.C.
Comments:
- Hellz Yeah FUKITOL! Posted by Melissa Merlot
- Is that like Midol? Posted by e
-The allusions make me think this is not abstract. So, in real terms, I totally understand it. Obedience, enjoyed by (but perhaps not understood or "real" to) others is a tough place to be. I relate to it in being someone who is often pretty capable, competent and doesn't ask for a lot of help. So, when I need help, I have constructed a world of people who are not the kind to help friends. They gravitate to the person who doesn't need because they aren't good givers. Then, when my need comes, I find that (by no real fault of their own) I have padded the world with bad givers and I crumple under the weight of my own inability to work through a problem unassisted. It is crippling and rejecting and makes me want to scrap all of my friendships and start over. The result, of course, being that I make the same friends time and time again. They just have different faces. So... it is me. It is my face that I put out, the one that says "I can handle it" mine and your too if need be that leads me to those moments of breakdown. I can change the faces on the people around me, retract from some, kindle new relationships but... there.... in the mirror... is the one I find most difficult to change.
It's like the moments when you catch yourself just completely being yourself, unself-conscious but aware, when you see clearly what you are with some objectivity... that person, I can't ever get into, can't talk to and can't convince that perhaps she would do well to do a little introspection, followed by a few small changes.
I adore you Erica. You are a brave person whom I admire.
xoxoxo
-karin
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Saturday, April 07, 2007
Still 22 Stone
Current mood: weird
Things are so so, I have set my lists a side for the time being, I am pretty fucking busy, it is in a good way, that doesn't mean I am not still fighting crazy off with a stick at every turn. I miss my old job, but the new one holds a lot of oppertunities for me, but they are VERY different ones.
I am looking for a place to live, jeebus help me one of the places will call me back and not say "NO PETS!" , "K" Street maybe...
Bad news on the front of the moon and April fools day, I did blow a complete gasket, worse still somehow the boat could tell and called me twice the next day. I didn't answer, I can't....that doesn't mean I don't want to. D kept me strong, but in the immortal words of George Sr. on Arrested Development..."Daddy horny Michael..."
But the better answer is...."NO TOUCHING!"
It's never good to feel like Charlie Brown, let alone Charlie Brown punting with Lucy, YARGH!
Currently listening: Want By Rufus Wainwright
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